Q = QUIT

We wake up wanting to QUIT  every day.  Our stomach churns, having wakened us with its cramping and fiery demands.  We hurry to the bathroom and sadly and gloomily wonder how long it will last today.  We have Jeff’s job, things to do, Sara to walk and care for—how long today?

We look at the clock.  4:10 am.  We are so tired.  We can see Sara sound asleep on the bed and we so want to rejoin her!  But instead, we doze in the bathroom.  The fire and cramping abate and we stumble back to the bed.  We lie on our left side.  We read somewhere that being on one’s left side allows inner organs to relax naturally.  Sara rouses to snuggle against our sore body.  We think, hope…maybe that bout was it.  We allow ourselves to relax more.  Our gut responds with, “Not Yet!  Get Up!”  Back to the bathroom.  Once more, in the bathroom we doze, but not so long.  We refuse to look at the clock.  The words—“Just Quit.  QUIT all this”— bounce from head to heart.  Back to bed.

Now we are too roused to relax.  The words, thoughts start.  Should we turn on the news?  See what has happened in the last four to six hours?  No!  We aren’t ready to be torn apart by overwhelming sadness, anger, frustration, anxiety.  “Just QUIT.”

We get up.  Now, we glance at the at the clock.  5:24 am.  Okay—a decent hour.  Lots of “normies” start their day this early.  We feed Sara, who has even now, simply shifted positions again, remaining on the bed.  Well, we note, the food is there when she wants it.  We go get the paper, cup of nuked coffee in our hand.  We smoke part of a cigarette, then take the paper inside.

Sara emerges, stretches, and we take her out.  She takes care of business and comes back in to see if we put food in her bowl.  Seeing it, she comes and hops into our lap for petting and kisses.  She loves us, needs us.  Maybe we shouldn’t QUIT.

We give in and turn on the news.  Oh my god.  Not an exclamation—just a sigh—not of resignation but despair.  We scan the headlines in the newspaper and the word “QUIT” prevails again.  Our stomach and gut cramp.  Here we go—it isn’t over yet.

Shower.  Dress.  There’s the bed and it calls us.  But so does Sara as she follows us.  It’s almost time for Jeff to go to work.  Quit?  Not Jeffy.  He’ll never QUIT.  He loves his work.  He works his shift, smiling, chattering, making people laugh as he waits on them.  Then it’s over and we come home.

Having been productive, somewhat, we don’t wish to QUIT.  We want to be with Sara, write our poems, listen to our music, paint, watch the Muppets.  Tomorrow maybe we won’t wake up wanting to QUIT.  Life changes continuously.  Things happen that are good to wake up to.  QUIT?

Just wait and see.  Isn’t it true?

This too shall pass.