B for Bonnie

B is for Bonnie

Bonnie—ah, Bonnie!  Let me tell you about my dear Bonnie!

Bonnie is a wonderful, caring person of 16 years of age with the wisdom of the ages in mothering, nurturing, compassion and caring for everyone.  At her tender age, she has helped more children, teens, and adults than just about anyone I know.  And she always, always does it with love.  Allow me to relate some examples of her tender spirit.

Bonnie at one time was in charge of some precocious children that no one else wanted to have anything to do with.  One little boy, about age 6, was particularly trying to even her gentle soul.  He would listen to older ones around him and mimic them, but not in a very acceptable way for a six year old.  For instance, the older kids would swear and without realizing what he was saying, but knowing it got a reaction, he would swear like they would.  Bonnie tried to show him that he was saying words he didn’t even know the meaning of but it seemed to only foster his saying them more to show her he could.  He truly didn't seem to care what the words meant, only that they received an instantaneous reaction when he said them—and especially around her.  Now Bonnie worked on this for quite awhile, to no avail, and then went to the older kids and asked them not to use such language around the little boy and they agreed, but, as often happens, they quickly reverted back to their habit of swearing and so did the little boy.  She then tried “time outs” and stopping him from being around them so much and that maneuver also failed.  Finally, when she and the little boy had reached what seemed a true impasse, he asked her, “Why can they say what they want and I can’t?”  Her exasperated response was, “Because they are older!”  She had long ago given up on reasoning with him.  He in turn demanded, “Then how old do I have to be to say shit!”  Quickly, she said, “Twelve!  You have to be twelve!”  They stood facing off, then he said, “Honest truth?  I can say shit and all the rest like—“ and Bonnie reached out and covered his mouth, saying “Yes.  Honest truth.  You can say whatever you want when you are twelve.”  He grinned from ear to ear and said, “Okay.  Got it.  Thanks!” and so ended one little boy’s foul mouthed language.  He would stop, catch himself, and did not swear again.  When she told me, I laughed and laughed and so did she as she said, “Who would have believed it could be so easy!  Now all I have to do is figure out what I’ll say when he’s twelve!” and she kept laughing.  I asked her, “Didn’t you want to just pop him one once in awhile?  I mean, really?”

She looked shocked and said, “Do what?  No!  Never!  Why would I?  That wouldn’t have solved the problem, only made it worse!  You don’t hit a little child you love to change their behavior!  No, I never wanted to pop him!  I love him!”  That’s my Bonnie!

Another incident that shows Bonnie’s love and compassion was when I was so very angry at being accused of something I had not done and was vowing to expose the accuser as a liar and cheat to everyone.  I wanted revenge!  Bonnie listened to me rant and rave and finally, feeling spent, I stopped and looked at her and saw she was actually crying.  I felt immediate concern and asked, “Bonnie, what is wrong?  Are you all right?”  She nodded and answered, “You are so miserable and so angry!  I just hate to see you hurting so much!”  I immediately flared up again, saying angrily, “It’s the one I’m going to teach a lesson to you ought to be crying for because they are going to be sorry!  Really sorry!”  Again, she nodded and said, “I am.”  Shocked, I looked at her in disbelief.  “Bonnie!  This person deserves to have a dose of their own medicine!  Look at how she treats not just me, but everyone that gets in her way or won’t back away from her!”  Bonnie softly said, “I know.  She must be so afraid and hurt so bad to treat people like she does.  She must feel everyone hates her and be so lonely!  And if you expose her, what will she have then?  Don’t you see how sad that is?  Wouldn’t you want another chance if you were her?  Everyone deserves more than one chance, don’t you think?”  Even in my anger, I knew Bonnie was right.  I tried by countering, “But look at how many people she destroys and goes right on as if they deserve it when they have done nothing wrong except not acquiesce to her wishes!”  Bonnie looked sad and stated, “I know.  Isn’t it sad?  But do you have to be the one to destroy her, once and for all?  I wonder what would happen if someone showed her some sincere kindness?  Plus, it hurts me to see your anger hurting you so bad.  Dumb, huh?  I guess I just can’t intentionally hurt someone, even if I know something or someone should, like you say, teach them a lesson.  Do you have to do this? “  I knew Bonnie loved me enough to ask not to let the anger turn me into someone I wouldn’t like as myself.  I hugged her, sighed, and said, “You’re right.  Someone else will either take care of her or love her out of herself—impossible as it may be.  I promise, I won’t.  Thanks, dear one!”  She smiled and said softly, “No, thank you.”

One last example I would like to share has to do with Bonnie and some of her teen peers.  Some of the guys were rather self-centered and being rude toward the girls, and trying to prove they were “Men” and they would ask Bonnie to make them certain things to eat, or do things like laundry for them, etc.  It seemed they had more important things to do and obviously, to them anyway, she didn’t so they would impose on her.  Well, Bonnie has a sense of humor, too, and even though she will give chance after chance, and spreads love like butter on bread to be treasured, she will call people on stuff in rather humorous ways.  One of the guys asked if she would wash his clothes.  She said no, but she’d show him how to do it.  He said he didn’t really have time for that and she walked away.  When he realized he was left standing with dirty laundry and she was totally walking away, he followed and agreed to learn if she’d teach him.  He wasn’t as serious as he pretended to be and didn’t pay much attention.  Consequently, he later came to her, complaining about his pink underwear and socks and wanting to know why she hadn't warned him.  Bonnie smiled and said, “Did you separate the clothes like I told you before you threw them in the washer?’ He quickly nodded and said, “Of course I did!”  She went on asking questions and he had a smart reply for each until she asked, “So how many loads did you actually wash?”  Suddenly, he had no answer.  She repeated the question and the other guys around him began to snicker.  She turned to one of them and said, “Okay—how many did he do?  Two?  Three?”  They quit their snorking and looked away.  Then Bonnie laughed and said, “Gotcha!  I’m betting you only did one load and it had that new red sweatshirt in it, didn’t it?”  Suddenly it was quiet and two of the guys inched toward the door.  “Where are you going?” she demanded.  They stopped dead.  “You see, I figure that since you were all in on this, you all owe me dinner.”  Immediately they started to tell her why they could not help her out for a change but she shook her head, smiled and said, “I’d really like something different to eat this evening.  See you guys later.  About 6?”  And Bonnie got dinner at 6 that evening—from Sonic because they don’t know how to cook,  but she says she’ll teach them.

Everyone that knows Bonnie loves her and she loves everyone she knows and even people she doesn’t know.  She is compassion and chances to show compassion personified.  Someday maybe you’ll meet her.  I promise, you will feel love and acceptance when you do.  Bonnie. Ah, Bonnie!