just look around...

K for Kaleidoscope

The definition of “kaleidoscope” is: n. 1.a tubular instrument containing loose bits of colored glass, plastic, etc. reflected by mirrors so that various symmetrical patterns appear when the tube is held to the eye and rotated  2. anything that constantly changes, as in color and pattern;  according to Webster’s New World College Dictionary.

I spent many happy and entertaining hours peering into a kaleidoscope with the colored end tipped to face the sun.  It made the colors brilliant and as I turned it, I was always amazed at how quickly the same shapes could be arranged in such a different manner.  I absolutely could spend a hour or more just squinting into the small eyehole and twisting the tube, fast or slow at my whim.  And should it break or become damaged, it was replaced as quickly as I could gather enough coins to replace it with a new and always better one.  Well, at least different colors or shapes inside.

My uncle saw my fascination with it since I carried it everywhere I went, and attempted to teach me about geometric shapes.  He would look into it, then ever so carefully hand it to me and ask what shapes I saw.  Sadly, I cared not about the shapes but rather about the patterns and colors and how I could manipulate them.  But he was a kind man and would chuckle and say, “Maybe later,” leaving me to twist the tube and say my “wow” endlessly.

As with all the toys I had, one time I sat on it, bending the tube, and that time there was no extra money to be earned to replace it.  I picked it up in hopes of repairing it, put it in my drawer, and there it stayed, broken and useless.  Yes, I worked on it faithfully when I could, but it was never the same.  Still, I couldn’t let it go, so it stayed in my drawer until my mother got tired of shifting it around to put in the clothes she’d cleaned for me and finally threw it away.  I cried.  But at age seven, each toy I had was precious to me, and the kaleidoscope was no exception.

As a parent and adult, I in turn bought my children kaleidoscopes, anticipating their fascination with this toy I had so treasured.  A couple of twists of the barrel, a “yeah, it’s okay I guess,” and it was abandoned quickly for the television or stereo.  Knowing you can’t force someone to like what you like, I would simply pick it up, put it on my dresser, and hope maybe the next kid would like it—and then spend half an hour looking through it myself and loving it.

So why am I telling you this now?  Because the kaleidoscope is gone, the kids are gone, but the tube has been replaced by a new form of a kaleidoscope.  Now, after being less busy and not caring for kids, a home, working at a demanding job, I have realized I now have time to make my life and all I see a kaleidoscope.

After all the rain we had, we had sunshine the past week or so.  I had to travel to the edge of town and to the rural outskirts  of Bakersfield.  Wow!  Talk about vivid colors!  Wildflowers, flowers around houses, brilliant green hills and lawns—I only had to turn my eyes—no tube twisting needed!  And shapes!  Some flowers were triangular, some round, some layer after layer of petals!  Green stems and leaves, also different shapes and colors!  All were there for me to look around and take in—as well as a deep breath of amazement at the awesome spectacle surrounding me!

Then I began to notice the bird nests, the baby animals that seemed to have appeared from nowhere.  Trees were laden with blossoms and birds filled their branches around the blossoms.  Bees were busy with the little clover flowers in the grass, the blossoming flowers, buzzing and busy gathering nectar and sharing it from one tree or plant to another.  They were kaleidoscopes of color, too.  Their yellow and black against the white of a blossom or the opening rose was so energizing and peaceful at the same time.

The most beautiful of all, though, was my little Sara lying on the green grass, her white body and little brown ears, twitching as she basked as only a dog can, in the sunlight’s warmth.  I stood mesmerized watching her, much as I had when facing the sun I had twisted the long ago held kaleidoscope.  Her ears slightly moving, her occasional stretching of her legs to expose as much of her body as possible to the sun.  Little eyes became slits and her breathing slowed down as she became one with the grass.  

I felt I was seeing a pattern of nature rather than illuminated plastic or glass shards.  Everything was in harmony and a part of each other.  Birds, flowers, bees, my little Sara, the green grass, the azure sky with wisps of clouds, warm sun, air gently moving around all.  This was my wonderful kaleidoscope.  Patterns shifting, as we all became the pieces that fit and moved together.  My truth.  My kaleidoscope.